Kate loves to get new handbags. That makes her feel good.

Would you dare to ask her why she loves to get new handbags? You could tell me, “We don’t care," she just loves new handbags.” True. But. Aren’t you curious to understand why she loves new handbags? Do you think Kate woke up one morning and suddenly loved new handbags? Unlikely. Where do you think her behavior of buying new handbags comes from?

Maybe you have already asked one of your connections why they behave in a specific manner. You would be surprised that most of the folks never asked themselves why they behave in a specific manner. They do it. And they keep doing it.

Your behaviors don’t appear out of thin air. Your behaviors come from what you think. You think something, so you behave in this manner. For instance, you think that foreigners are rude, so you do not talk to them. Do you perceive the link between what you think and the behavior? It isn’t evident at first. You often need to ask the person why they behave in this manner. Often, the person won’t be able to explain why. Get the person to start talking about it.

I got Kate to start talking about her habit of being new handbags, and she told me that when she was a kid, she envied the other kids. Other kids had access to products she couldn’t access because her family was less wealthy. That has molded her mindset. Her current mindset can be captured by statements such as “i like material things”, and “i want to show People around me that i can afford expensive material things”.

You can always trace back a behavior to a mindset. You can replace the word “mindset” with “thinking” or” sentences that guide our actions.”

Why do we care about this?

We care about this because, most of the time, your actions or behaviors do not come from a mindset you developed. Most of the mindsets you currently have in your head come from other People or events. As a kid, you were chased by a dog, for instance. Since then, you walk away when you see a dog in the street. Do you see the links? Event, mindset, behavior.

You must understand your behavior to be fully in charge of your life. Why is it that i become aggressive when my husband talks to me about money? Why is it that i feel scared when i have to speak in front of other People? Why did i do this without checking if it could be dangerous? Why do I value money so much?

Understanding the mindsets behind your behavior helps you eliminate the behavior you want to drop.

I used to have a competitive behavior. Every time i entered a group i needed to compete with others. This behavior came from my mindset: “You need to be better than others” and “You need to succeed.” I understood that this mindset came from the pressure of my parents and not from me. I understood that this mindset was reinforced by the teachers of the school i attended. Once i understood that it wasn’t my mindset but one of some other folks it wasn’t hard to let go of this mindset and opt for another mindset that was mine: “Teamwork is great”, “The best way to achieve great things in life is to achieve them as a team”.